We all possess an inner voice that narrates our experiences and shapes our self-perception within them. However, when our inner voice is self-critical, its impact can be overwhelming, affecting our overall well-being. We may find ourselves ensnared in negative thought cycles, unable to break free from self-judgment.
Self-compassion expert Christopher Germer emphasises:
"A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life."
This article will explore the power of self-compassion—a concept that has been shown to reduce the volume of our inner critic and promote a healthier mindset.
By drawing on the expertise of leading well-being experts, we will delve into the science behind self-compassion and share practical strategies for turning down the volume of our inner critic. Through these strategies, we can tune into the harmonious melody of self-kindness.
When Our Inner Critic Is Loud
The impacts of reduced self-compassion include:
Increased self-criticism and self-condemnation.
Destructive patterns of fear, negativity, shame, and isolation.
Unhealthy perfectionism.
Negative effects on mental and emotional well-being.
Scientific research has demonstrated the detrimental effects of reduced self-compassion on our mental well-being. When our inner critic is loud, we experience heightened levels of stress, anxiety, and depression.
Equally important is its effect on emotional well-being and overall wellness. Making positive and practical decisions and changes that improve our emotional and physical well-being proves challenging when our inner critic dominates our thought patterns.
We all experience this—I do, and I see it playing out with each wellness coaching client I work with. The pure frustration and negative response felt when confronted with aspects of ourselves we dislike, and wish would simply disappear. From the uncontrollable biochemical forces experienced as women, to heightened feelings of anxiety triggered by specific events or for unexplained reasons. The internal dialogue we use in these moments is harsh, unrelenting, unkind, and often untrue. When expressed aloud, it is often accompanied by a torrent of contradictions and disputations as we each try to navigate out of this negative place we find ourselves.
It's important that when we acknowledge moments of reduced self-compassion, we avoid condemning ourselves for the critical tone we use. I find injecting a little humour into my self-talk helps, acknowledging the irony that I was criticising myself for criticising myself, and using this as the moment to offer myself self-compassion.
Scientific research has found that we cannot simply stop having a thought. It's not as easily said than done to stop being hard on ourselves. We have many years of practise at using this tone with ourselves, and at times, it has even helped or motivated us. However, low self-compassion is associated with reduced motivation and those with high self-compassion are more likely to achieve their personal goals. And so, the key isn't to stop negative thoughts but to mindfully include kind thoughts.
When We Tune into The Melody of Self-Kindness
Christopher Germer defines self-compassion as:
"Self-compassion involves the capacity to comfort and soothe ourselves, and to motivate ourselves with encouragement, when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate."
The positive impacts of self-compassion include:
Fostering positive mindsets that facilitate happiness and optimism.
Reducing our focus on positive and negative judgment and comparison.
Improving emotional well-being and contentment.
Enhancing resilience.
Promoting more compassion for others.
Enhancing our outlook on events around us. Kristin Neff states that fostering mindfulness allows us to appreciate the "beauty and richness of life, even in hard times.".
Additionally, it has been found that people who are more self-compassionate tend to be less anxious and less depressed.
Kristin Neff outlines three integral elements of self-compassion in her book 'Self-compassion':
Self-Kindness: Observing the feelings we have and using a tone of voice that is warm and understanding rather than critical or dismissive.
Common Humanity: Recognising that the experience we are having is part of the human experience, understanding that we are not the only human beings to feel or experience this, rather than unfairly blaming or judging ourselves.
Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions, choosing to place this feeling into the context it belongs rather than inflating it, identifying with it, or ignoring it.
In a world where external verbalisations of self-criticism are accepted while external verbalisations of self-kindness are not as readily accepted, it is difficult to turn down the volume of the well-rehearsed and much-used critic.
To support us in this, it is worth considering what self-kindness sounds like; it is the tone of voice you would use with a dear friend. It is calm, kind, warm, reassuring, and supportive. Next time you hear the harshness of your inner critic, consider what it would be like if you used this harsh and mean statement with your dearest friends, then consider what a kinder alternative would be.
Turning the Volume Down to Tune into the Melody of Self-Kindness
To diminish the impact of our inner critic and embrace self-compassion, the first place to start is awareness. When unnecessary and mean throwaway comments and harsh, judgmental thoughts arise, acknowledge the statements for what they are - the inner critic's voice.
Then, using Neff's definition of self-compassion, we can adjust our self-talk to include self-kindness, an acknowledgment that we are not alone in this human experience, and mindfully accept the present moment for what it is, all without judgment.
Brené Brown reminds us that compassion is not just a feeling; it includes action:
“Compassion is the daily practice of recognizing and accepting our shared humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness, and we take action in the face of suffering.”
Self-compassion is a practice that requires practise. For more tools to improve your self-compassion, you could:
Journal: Write down inner voice statements, challenge them, and comfort yourself with kinder words.
Read: Educate yourself on self-compassion.
Learn: Think about taking an online course to enhance your understanding of self-compassion.
Engage: Participate in a self-compassion workshop or work with a therapist or coach to see significant change in your self-talk.
Nurturing self-compassion offers a transformative pathway towards inner mental and emotional well-being. Through acknowledging the pervasive presence of our inner critic and the profound impact it wields on our thoughts and emotions, we embark on a journey of self-awareness and self-acceptance.
In seeking self-compassion, we may begin by infusing our self-talk with kindness or by participating in activities like journaling, learning, or obtaining support through workshops and professional guidance.
With each act of self-compassion, we rewrite the narrative of our inner dialogue, choosing kindness and understanding over criticism and judgment, turning down the volume of our inner critic and embracing the transformative power of self-compassion in our lives.
How To Start Making a Change
Build self-awareness around when you are self-critical and when you are self-compassionate.
How Coaching Could Support You
Working with a coach can help you explore your inner voice and develop self-compassion. By cultivating a positive mindset, you can then strive towards achieving your desired changes. Wellness coaching focuses on enhancing both emotional and physical health, addressing various aspects of your life such as lifestyle, confidence, and career. The ultimate goal is to flourish and lead the life you aspire to.
Find out more about coaching with me here.
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