Before we look at making significant change for ourselves, whether this is a positive lifestyle choice, great habits, personal goals, or professional goals, first it would be wise to take a look at the change process.
Making changes for ourselves is not a linear process. If it were as simple as make a decision, choose the course of action, and stick to it, everybody would be feeling great and would be thriving. Change is inherently uncomfortable, it takes intention, and it requires awareness (to see what is or is not happening and adjust accordingly).
Humans are both social creatures and creatures of habit. To step away from the patterns you have learnt, the thoughts you’ve lived with all your life, and the subliminal or direct messages you receive from society, makes choosing a new and healthier option challenging.
These five tips will help you remove the barriers that are holding you back, reframe the change you want to make, and ultimately take more positive steps toward the change you hope to see.
Tip 1 – Name your ‘why’
Often, when we hold in our mind the ‘why’ of what we are setting out to do we can find ourselves being pulled along in the direction we desire.
You could try this coaching technique which helps clarify your motivation for change. Ask yourself:
1. The positives of not changing.
2. The negatives of changing.
3. The positives of changing.
4. The negatives of not changing.
Writing a statement of intent, starting with ‘I want’ will often help focus the mind on what is important. It demonstrates the control we have in this decision and the agency to take this action for ourselves. Do not start your statement of intent with ‘I should’ or ‘I must’ as this implies an external pressure, therefore diminishing that sense of control and agency.
Tip 2 – Embrace the relapse.
As you can see from the Stages of Change model, relapse is part of the process.
If you relapse, have self-compassion, don’t judge yourself here. Change is a process not a finite destination. If you relapse (or should I say when?), reflect on this with self-compassion, this often happens to all of us, the question is how will you proceed now?
Having identified you’ve relapsed, you have now successfully come out of pre-contemplation (you didn’t know there was another, even better way of doing this) and you have now moved into contemplation and preparation with a new adapted behaviour that suits your unique circumstances.
Tip 3 – Set process-goals rather than outcome-goals.
When setting goals, aim to make them process-focused (action-oriented) rather than outcome-focused. Processed goals:
💫 Support long term change.
💫 Help reduce the anxiety aiming for an outcome-focused goal can create.
💫 Allows for greater enjoyment of the journey.
💫 Enables greater adaptability to change and unexpected obstacles.
For example, an outcome goal would be to lose half a stone, whereas a process goal would be to add more fibre to your evening meals and remove processed foods from your snack options.
This shifts the focus from the outcome to the actions taken, this is sustainable and ultimately can lead to long term change.
Tip 4 – Get an accountability buddy.
Amber Ascroft states that accountability buddies can support motivation and bring inspiration to help you stay on track with your goals. With one study having shown a 65% chance of completing a goal if participants told someone else about it, and that chance rose to 95% if they committed to meeting up with that person.
Your accountability buddy could be someone in your social support network, or even social media and online networks. They may offer accountability as simple listening to you describe the changes you are working on, to as grand as collaborating with you, this may offer opportunities of finding new inspiration and creative solutions to your goals.
Tip 5 – Improve your mindset.
James Clear discusses the mindset shift of changing your identity to change your behaviours. He explains that while motivation can lead us to start a habit, the only reason we'll stick with it is if it becomes part of our identity. For example, if you wanted to write regularly, you would identify as a writer, if you wanted to run regularly, you would identify as a runner.
Having a learner mindset rather than a judger mindset can have a huge impact on your chances of successfully implementing new change (Dr Marilee Adams).
To do this you avoid making negative judgements on yourself for not engaging in the change you’d hoped you would. Instead, you ask yourself questions to identify a way to improve your chances of sustaining change, for example:
· What has been supporting you in making this change?
· How could you improve your chances of not relapsing tomorrow?
“Turn bad days into good data”
The way you think about the change you want to make has a huge impact on how you feel about it and the actions you take to make it happen.
Taking the leap to start making changes often can feel uncomfortable, as you move from your usual, automatic behaviours and habits to new intentional behaviours and mindsets for the better. Remember, it is normal to feel this discomfort until this new change becomes the norm, it is also normal to experience relapses. The key is to recognise what is working for you or not supporting you and learn from this, take control, and with self-compassion make adjustments.
How Coaching Could Support You
Coaching emphasises self-compassion (not judging or criticising yourself for not meeting the expectations you place on yourself) and supports you in developing strategies to make long lasting change.
How To Start Making This Change
Keep a copy of the Stages of Change model to remind yourself even when you have relapses, you can learn from that and build on the great work you have already achieved.
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